5 years ago in the early morning of October 23, i looked over at FZ and told him it was time to go to the hospital. i had had a great pregnancy, did yoga avidly up until the day before labor, had a fairly quick and smooth delivery and knew that i was having a boy, but when the nurse handed him to me in the delivery room and i looked down at his sweet face, my life was altered and my heart opened and warmed in the most amazing of ways. of course, i knew this feeling from delivering our daughter a few years before, but it is just a little different with each, i suppose. although, what was to happen over the next few days, was something i was in no way, prepared for, nor equipped to deal with...
i have vivid memories of our quiet, calm and peaceful bubble of a room. i remember just him and i sleeping surrounded by the sweet smell of new baby, wrapped like a burrito in that soft stripped blue/pinkish hospital blanket...then him in the bassinet/sleeper next to me, listening to his breath, crying softly out of joy and feeling so connected in every way to my new boy. on the second day in the hospital we were informed that there was an issue with his heart, unsure of the origin of the problem, tests were performed and large machinery wheeled into our previously peaceful room. visits from doctors i had never met, nurses checking in at all hours listening to his heart. i was flown headlong into a place of fear, desperation, disbelief and stress.
we went home, but with no real answers and much uncertainty about the upcoming days/months...he returned at 2 weeks to have his heart procedure performed, and it was a success (for now), no medications required in his life, just follow ups, no real restrictions per say. he is an amazing, beautiful boy, full of all the curiosities and wild indian ways of a wee man...he is constantly amazing us all with his quirky, fun and creative ways. he is a lover of kisses, cuddles and hugs, never holds back on sharing his affections. he looks up to and cherishes his sister (even while chasing her with a sword). he has changed my life, altered my views, caused me some stress and countless sleepless nights, i have experienced emotions and feelings of which i never knew existed. i have come out stronger, more grounded, more aware of the fragility of life, the simple fact that one little moment can truly change your world forever. he has taught me lessons of life that will dwell inside me forever, his being is so amazing, his presence always was meant to be.i am such a lucky girl.
happy birthday to you, our wonderful boy.
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